On the Present vs Past Tense

PSI has a number of huge white vehicles in its motor pool.  Every evening I can either drive myself the 4 minutes home or ask a driver to take me.  There are many drivers and I only know a few of them.  Today, I had to do some grocery shopping so I asked the motor pool manager for a driver (in French, no less: look at me go!).  He selected a driver and a vehicle for me and I climbed up into the passenger seat in my skirt and heels along with my empty water jug, computer, handbag, and two boxes I received from Amazon.  Off we went, as I tried to explain what a bucket was to the driver.  Booo-ket?  Ha, ha!

He took me to a different supermarket than the one near my apartment.  The two I have see are tiny and crammed full of stuff.  I finally got everything I could (no booo-ket).  I was about to get into the vehicle when the driver locked the passenger door.  I looked at him in confusion.  He looked at me looking at him in confusion.  This is a common scene in the life of Carla.

Turns out he thought I wanted the car for the night and that I was going to drive myself home.  How to explain that I have no use for a vehicle?  Where would I go?  And how would I navigate these crazy streets to get myself home?  I managed to tell him that I didn't need the vehicle and he called the motor pool manager to clear up the situation.  We left the supermarket with him driving and me feeling relieved to have cleared up the 54th miscommunication of the day.

I was even more relieved not to be driving when the driver made a right to go down the hill when I would have made a left to go up the hill to my apartment.  Must be some secret fast way to get to my apartment, which is definitely uphill from us  But to my surprise we didn't make another turn, we kept going downhill.  In the direction of the house I was staying when I first visited Haiti in June. Oh-oh.  Did he think I still lived there or were we on the hunt for a bucket?

Me: Excuse me.  The apartment of Alison is up there, yes? (pointing behind us)
Him: Yes, yes.
Me: I stay in the apartment of Alison, yes?
Him: Yes, you stay in the apartment of Alison?  On the 6th floor?
Me (alarmed that we were still going downhill): Yes!  But! Where is we?  We go?  Apartment of Alison is not (pointing straight ahead).
Him: No!  Muble arloorr ss hee here.
Me (he thinks I'm taking in the past tense! How do I explain I live there in the present tense?): ?
Him: Muble arrrr looorrr ss h?
Me (making big X with my arms): I don't live here! I stay at Alison's apartment now!
Him: Yes!
Me: I inhabit the apartment of Alison.
Him: Yes.
Me: We go place???!!
Him: We are going to the Montana House?
Me (around the corner from the turn off to Montana House): I don't live in the Montana House!!  I live in Alison's apartment!
Him: Ha! Ha! You don't live in Montana House?  I see!  Ha, ha, ha!
Me (slumped in relief): Ha! Ha! Ha!
Him: Ha, haa, ha!
Me: Haa, haa! Ha, ha, ha!

There was lots of laughter and he turned the monster vehicle around, ignoring traffic.  Probably because laughter was the one thing we didn't have to translate.